Share and Share Alike

This post is most salient for those of you who are local, but I believe in putting my money where my mouth is, so we do several shares every month in addition to regular runs to the grocery store.

Spring’s basically here which means a CSA for produce (in the winter we have a small winter garden for lettuce in our backyard and hit Whole Foods to peruse what’s on sale to make that for dinner).

My CSA of choice is LexFarm because it’s: a) local and b) the food is grown using organic methods. That means that my carbon footprint is lower, and I get my organic on. I know there is no sewer sludge anywhere near the fertilizer at this farm. Because that’s disgusting. And full disclosure, I’m on the board this year. Until they get sick of my bad puns. 75% of the shares are sold as of today but if you are interested in signing up, you can do that here. If you aren’t close to Lexington, you can see what’s available on localharvest.org.

Because we are lucky enough to live on a coast, and we love to eat seafood, we also participate in a fish share. Ours is Cape Ann Fish Share, and we usually do a one or two pound fillet. You can decide not to deliver for certain weeks if you’re going away this summer. We do this one all year round. They fish sustainably and you get top of the catch, which means the fish were usually caught that morning. Seriously, yum.

We also do a meat share year round with Chestnut Farm, which does have a waitlist, but you can find more about it here. I love Kim. And I also love bacon. And I really love when Kim brings me bacon.

I do not receive kickbacks of any sort, although I do donate my time to LexFarm and would love to see all three of these organizations thrive. (If you have a metric for good karma, I suppose you can count that as a kickback. Otherwise, good luck gathering that data.) If you do sign up, please mention me only so they know how you found out! Small organizations like these need that kind of information. If you want to let me know you signed up, I would be grateful too.

“No Questions Asked.”

It’s that time of year again when candy is EVERYWHERE.

For us, there are two times when this post is most salient – Halloween and Easter.

We’re getting invitations for Easter egg hunts all this week, and so I’m thinking ahead to what to buy to stuff in those Easter eggs, and also what to do with the candy that comes back inside them.

For stuffing eggs, I love these .

You can fit a few inside each egg and they’re made using organic cane sugar, which means you aren’t dealing with sugar sourced from genetically modified corn (always the cheapest source – ever wonder why conventional candy is so darned cheap?).

So that takes care of my responsibility about what I’m putting out there for our neighborhood kids to eat, but what about what’s coming IN to the house?

Enter the Detroit Gun Buy Back Program, no questions asked. I essentially implemented the same rules as the Detroit Gun Buy Back Program, substituting candy for firearms. Each piece of candy has a monetary value, and their job is to count out the candy, group it, and calculate how much money they will get for it. (I do have one kid with a sweet tooth, so there is also a sub-category of candy where it can be traded on a one-for-one to comparable organic candy.)

My kids get to participate in the hunts alongside their friends, experience the joy of finding and the surprise of opening, but they don’t have to harm themselves eating what’s inside.

As a side note, in my reading about gun buy back programs, one of the gun-activists’ concerns about “no questions asked” as a policy was that criminals might steal guns from other criminals in exchange for cash. The idea of that cracks me up because I love a good schaudenfreude.

If I Ever See…

Right before the 2004 Indonesian tsunami hit, people reported all sorts of strange animal behavior. One of the things that has stayed with me after all this time is how animals who usually have predator and prey relationships were seen side by side, trotting up to higher ground.

Carlos Mencia has this wonderful bit in an old standup routine where he says, “If I EVER see a mouse on the back of a cat, on the back of a dog, on the back of a hyena, on back of a tiger” (or something to that effect because I cannot for the life of me find the clip or it would be here), I AM FOLLOWING THEM.”

A few months ago, I watched a documentary about cancer. I watched all nine episodes, about 13 hours worth. I haven’t made up my mind about whether I am agreed with everything presented, including forgoing chemotherapy, but I gotta say that everything presented with relation to food were conclusions I came to myself in the last three years of research.

Here’s what I found interesting. When you look at the interviewees (biased sample population, I know), they ran the entire social gamut. I mean, we’re talking born again Christians, the kind who will exclaim “Thank you, Jesus!” if they have a good golf swing to really liberal cannabis-loving characters, including one guy who looked to me like an older version Willy Wonka in the Johnny Depp remake of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. This reminds me of the movement against fracking. Very. Strange. Bedfellows.

The one conclusion I have is this: eating organic, non-processed foods and feeding them to my family might not indemnify us from ever getting sick, but I’m not doing anything that’s more likely to knock the pin loose on the grenade in my pocket.

She’s prrrrrrrrty….

The first stage when I realized what was going on in our food supply was what we were eating. At the front line was everything I was feeding my kids.

After that was settled, I started thinking about what we were putting on our skin. Did you now that 70 percent of what you put on your skin is absorbed into the body? It’s why transdermal medicine works, including nicotine patches and pain medications.

At first I was so skeeved out when I started looking at the ingredients on the products in our house I thought about just going bare, which I did a for a couple of months, but I am what my good friend Melissa calls an “Armani Hippie”. Mama loves a good Chanel purse and some designer jeans with a nice tall boot by my man Stuart. I couldn’t go bare faced for long. Amy Schumer knows what I’m talking about.

Here’s what I changed out:

Deodorant: This area of the body is right near the lymph nodes, so whatever is being absorbed there has a quick path through the body. Notice I said deodorant, not anti-perspirant. You have to sweat to eliminate toxins. Not sweating is like holding in your pee. It’s not going to end well. I use Whole Foods’ bridge brand, Milk+Honey. There are two scents I know of, one with clove and another with vanilla. I like them both; the vanilla reminds me of a warm cupcake and the clove makes me smell like a chai. When it’s really hot I swear I smell like I just came from Starbucks. (This one’s for the super nice woman I met the other day at the Vegas Encore spa. Thanks for reading!)

Makeup: I use Vapour Organic Beauty Stratus Luminous Instant Skin Perfector. You don’t even need a brush although I like to  use a round foundation one because I find it gIves a more even application. Their colors are amazing, especially for lipstick. They get some of the subtleties of color the large cosmetic houses do, and the effect is very Bobbi Brown, but without a lot of extra fillers and preservatives. If you have dry skin it’s a bonus that it’s all stick based and so gives a little kick of moisture. I prefer the highlighter to the foundation but it’s a coverage thing.

Skincare: I found essential oils in the last year or so and I mostly use those for everything. It is tough to get a good blend and play with adjusting proportions for the face, though, so I use Vapour’s Restorative Night Treatment morning and evening. I also just discovered Evan Healy’s Rose Geranium Facial Tonic and Cleansing Milk and both of those are incredible. Organic and not any extra shit. (Organic is on the label; no extra shit is not exactly phrased that way.) The rose water tonic is perfect to take on a plane to mist yourself especially if it’s a long flight. It also helps absorb and retain more of the oils. I use the cleansing milk with my Clarisonic brush.

Toothpaste: I use either Dr. Bronner’s Peppermint or Redmond Earthpaste. Neither has flouride, and that’s just fine by me. The kids use Kiss my Face without fluoride. I tried doing a home made clay version but I didn’t think to use a sweeter oil than peppermint and they flipped me the proverbial bird, so that ship sailed. Leaving it in the tube always ends up with lots on the counter, so I got a fresh soap pump and put the toothpaste in there; it always dispenses the perfect amount for a little person’s toothbrush.

Hair Shampoo: Alaffia, preferably unscented because then I can just add in whatever I want, lavender, peppermint or rose. I decant those into the Simple Human automatic dispensers so that if nothing else, I didn’t have to pump my own soap when I get into the shower. I like to save that energy for nagging my kids to get on the bus on time.

Hair Conditioner: I use either Argan oil or Squalane oil, applied to the very tips after getting out of the shower and then brush with a nontangle brush starting at the bottom and then brushing down successively from higher and higher up. Then I either air dry or use an ionic hair dryer. Like I said, Armani hippie.

Feminine products: Organic cotton only, because if you think about putting even minute amounts of bleach in your va-j-j for more than thirty seconds you gotta make a different choice.  Even better might be a cup. I know, if you cannot handle the goo it’s a bit much but I am a big fan and it actually allows me to measure flow so I have a gauge on the health of that system. The cups often have a line marker so you can track fluid ounces if you are worried about high blood loss. I am sorry for any guy who just read that, and extra sorry for any gay man who just read that.

Hand sanitizer: I mix my own, which includes tea tree oil Tea Tree Oil and Lavender Essential Oil topped off with some water. Whole Foods sells empty spray bottles in cobalt blue which I think is pretty; otherwise you can hit the Container Store if you like a straight clear color. If you are feeling extra industrious, you can go to Nordstrom and get a perfume atomizer for $6 and decant the mixture in there. I love that the spray mechanism is nice and smooth, and I feel like I am treating myself when I do a sanitizer spray. The only downside is that the little atomizers kind of look like pocket vibrators. It’s the satin pouch that sends it over the edge. Just sayin’. If you can’t get to Nordie’s there’s a pretty pink one on Amazon.

If you want to know more nitty gritty details about the specific chemicals, this is an excellent article!

Being Efficient … About Being Efficient

Happy New Year! In the spirit of getting as much done in as painless a fashion as possible, I put together the top five things that help me day-to-day. They are:

    1. The Basket. I have a woven basket that I use to pick up and house everything that is going from one room to another. It serves as a visual to-do list of things that need to be put away, addressed by the end of the day, or generally dealt with. It’s woven fabric because then it doesn’t catch on my nylon athletic gear (which I am usually sporting, no pun intended) and it has handles for when I’ve overloaded it and need to get a grip (pun intended). It’s big enough for random toys (perplexus ball, anyone?) but not so big it becomes a toy bin.

    1. The Clipboard. If I had to name the top five things that make me efficient each day, one of them has to be my clipboard. That’s right. I carry a clipboard. This allows me to: a) write down anything at a moment’s notice, especially in the car and b) administer the Presidential Physical Fitness test at any time, as long as I have my trusty whistle and a stopwatch.

    1. The Schedule. On the clipboard is the schedule. I know, I know. There are digital devices for this. But I find that I don’t really retain what’s going on until I’ve written it down by hand. So I do. On Sunday night, I sit down with a notepad for the week and write out all the big and small things that I need to do. It gives me a good mental picture in my head about the structure of the week so when people ask me about something on the fly and I don’t have my phone, I’m able to trust my gut reaction a little more about whether it’s going to work.

    1. Organizing Errands. The night before a school day (or a busy weekend day) I will sit down with my Lands End tote and a bunch of mesh zippered pouches and sort through my errands. Any returns or exchanges with receipts get a pouch, and it allows me to visually see how full the morning is going to be. Sorting them like that also allows me to group them by location so I can organize my route and use as little gas and time as possible, thereby being and saving green. The tote goes on the bench by the mudroom, and is taken out to the car as soon as I start my day.

  1. Car Organization. In the car, I have a Lands End gardening tote. Yes, a gardening tote. I have a gardening tote because: a) it has double handles so can be moved into the trunk on weekends when the passenger seat is not my mobile office b) it has lots of pockets and c) the dividers are soft so if I get into an accident I don’t worry I might be impaled by a wire bin.

What do you to do to stay organized day to day? Leave a comment, share the wealth!

 

Channeling Debbie Downer

Okay, this post only makes sense if you watched Saturday Night Live years ago. If you didn’t, here’s the Debbie Downer Breakdown

While I was talking to my good friend Linda last week over brunch, she mentioned she needed a new to-go coffee cup and asked me what I use. I noted that her old coffee cup was double walled stainless.

Depending on the quality of stainless, when you put something acidic in it (coffee has more than 200 acids), alloys can be leached from the stainless into your drink. Please never cook tomato sauce in stainless. Use enameled cast iron. Tomatoes are definitely acidic enough to leach alloys. If you are really interested in whether your cup or cookware is reactive, there’s a cool test here: Testing Stainless for Reactivity

“Best to use ceramic,” I told her, and Starbucks has a nice double-walled ceramic cup with a ceramic lid (no plastic). That is what I use, and they put out a nice collection over the holidays. Double Walled Ceramic Tumbler from Starbucks. She grabbed one over the next couple of days and brought it to work. While sporting her snazzy new double-walled ceramic coffee cup, someone commented on it. Trying to be helpful, she told them all about stainless cups and the possibility of leaching. Her co-worker quipped half-jokingly, “I hate you.”

You know what sucks about knowing what I know about food? Whenever I try to give someone information that I hope is helpful, I sound like Debbie Downer. It’s depressing and annoying, but I won’t stop talking about it because people have to know. And because tomato sauce tastes about 350% better when cooked in an enameled cast iron pan, dammit.

To quote Debbie: “Ever since they found mad cow disease in the US, I’m not taking any chances.”

Do you feel the same? Let me know by making a comment!

The Chamber of Secrets

It’s the holidays. And while we are all supposed to be running around being our best selves, doing for others and full of consideration, most people are standing in line, stressed out about the ten thousand things they have to do, grumbling and being kind of…aggressive in their unease.

I don’t know why I’ve never noticed it before, but now when I get into line and the cashier looks up, he or she actually looks frightened. Like I might be the next attacker. Which is sad. Because no one needs to be aggressive while they’re buying yoga clothes or organic cotton pajamas. No one.

Here’s the other group that has it bad this time of year – anyone who has a job taking care of children. This is for the whole gamut – preschool teachers, elementary school teachers, people who work at children’s museums – they all deserve some sort of special employee benefit. Kids on a regular schedule can be tough, but this time of year, with everyone running around and parents all stressed out, they’re even more dis-regulated. Which means teachers have it hard, especially since they’re trying to get these kids to concentrate on a curriculum.

These people need some help. I propose a special employee benefit.

Every few hours, depending on your shift for the day, you get access to “The Room”.

Before entering The Room, you have access to a very small airplane bottle of wine. Not a full glass, a nip. Just enough to take the edge off.

You may then slip on a robe and walk into The Room, where there is ambient lighting and Enya or George Winston are continuously piped in.

Then you climb into a hyperbaric pressurized oxygen chamber for fifteen minutes. The amount of time may be adjusted as appropriate depending on whether a small child has kicked you in the crotch (or for retail workers if someone has screamed in your face because they weren’t loved enough as a child). The Room is soundproof, allowing you to say WHATEVER YOU NEED TO GET OFF YOUR CHEST. Especially if you have been kicked in the groin.

When you are done, you finish off with a shot of wheat grass (or if you didn’t get enough time in the chamber you may have single malt whiskey grass).

And you’re back off to the races.

Holiday Gift Ideas

Let’s put this out there first – I have a high distaste for the insanity of the American way of constantly consuming and acquiring. When I engage in it, I feel like a locust. The unabashed attempts at this time of year to capitalize on people desperate to cross a to-do off their list makes me NUTS. And I really hate being given crap. I think,  What am I going to do with this? I can’t eat it, I don’t want to let my kids play with it, if I throw it out, it’s going to end up in a landfill. So I do my best to try to exchange things that don’t work for us, which is about 85% of the gifts. I sometimes think, “That was nice of you, but you just gave me an errand, not a gift.”

I do think that the holidays are a nice time to force us to think about our loved ones and give them something useful.

So here’s what made the short list this year:

glass-straw

Glass Straws from CB2.com

Good for those who like to drink their coffee out of a straw, these are less likely to stain, and also once you think longer than five seconds about drinking hot coffee through a plastic straw full of BPA and phthalates you start to gag a little bit. NOT FOR KIDS. They might chew on the end of the straw and then you’ll end up with a prison meal situation (ground up glass in the food, for those of you who have never watched Shawshank Redemption).

double wall ceramic mug

Double Walled Ceramic Tumbler from Starbucks

While we’re talking about coffee, this is the only tumbler I will use for my hot coffee. It is a double walled ceramic tumbler with a ceramic lid (why go through all the trouble of finding a safe cup when you’re just going to pass the super hot liquid past a plastic cover?) These specialty cups are now available year round but for the longest time (probably the last three years) Starbucks only put them out during the holidays. If you broke one you were S.O.L. until Christmas. My husband once broke one in March and I got angry at him. He retorted, “It’s not my fault. You put it in a place I might break it.” It was on a drying rack. I responded, “It’s not my fault you’re stupid.” He came right back with, “Well, actually it is. Because you KNOW I’m stupid.” To this day, I haven’t figured out a good response. Well done, babe, well done.

betty-glass-teapot

Glass Teapot from CB2.com

This glass teapot is great because the infuser is made out of glass. Yes, this means that the tea leaves do sometimes get stuck in the little slot, but it also means that scalding hot water is not going through “stainless” that isn’t really food grade. (Since stainless came into fashion a lot of it is manufactured with questionable quality and most of it doesn’t pass the magnet test. Real stainless shouldn’t hold a magnet.)

le creuset dutch oven

A Le Creuset Dutch Oven

These enameled pans are trusted and revered by world-renowned chefs and I can taste a definitive difference in the food. Whenever you are cooking tomato sauce, stay away from stainless steel pans. The acids in the tomatoes leech out chemicals from the plan and then you eat those chemicals with the organic pasta you took all that time to make by hand, cranking the pasta machine like an organ grinder all while trying to balance that pesky little monkey with the fez.

organic pajamas

Organic Pajamas from Hanna

Hanna does beautiful organic pajamas that wash up well, are OKEO-TEX certified (no insanely toxic dyes for your children to sleep in) and made out of organic cotton. (Unless otherwise labeled, you can assume the cotton is made from Bt cotton, which is….genetically modified. Sigh.) They sleep in these for a third of the time in the day (if you’re lucky), so we make sure we have organic sheets and organic sleepwear.

organic shaving soap parker silvertip brush

 

Dr. Bronner’s Shaving Soap and Silvertip Badger Brush

If you ever look at shaving cream ingredients, you’ll be appalled. Like up the wazoo with the parabens and fragrances made out of petroleum byproducts. Then think about the fact that you are making micro-cuts on your face and whatever you are shaving with is going into cut skin. Even when your skin is completely intact, about 70% of what you put on it gets absorbed into the bloodstream. This is why transdermal medication works.

My dad uses Dr. Bronner’s Shaving Soap, but you really can’t use it without a brush. The top of the line is a silvertap badger hair brush. I bought this one from Parker for my dad for Christmas.

Happy shopping, people, I hope you come home with a crossed-off list (checked twice) and enjoy warm wool socks and a nice glass of organic wine when you’re done.

 

 

 

 

 

 

GMO Doubt About It – It’ll Probably Kill You

Okay, enough fun and games with Thanksgiving and all that. Back to the organic definition bandwagon. The next one up is…GMOs. What are they?

The basic idea is that Monsanto inserts bacterial DNA into specific plants, like corn or soy (more than 90% of the corn and soy in the United States in genetically modified), which allows them to do three things:

  1. They can patent the seeds so that farmers always have to buy seeds from them in order to grow crops (otherwise farmers would save seeds and replant per traditional farming custom, which is why we have such things as “heirloom tomatoes”, “native corn”, etc.”
  2. The bacterial DNA is designed to make the plant produce its own insecticide. And this is produced from within, so there’s no washing this off. It’s inside the flesh of the plant. The fact that the insecticide is inside the plant isn’t enough – it actually makes the plant more resistant to Roundup, which is an organophosphate. Remember the post about sarin gas? Riiiigggghhht. Roundup is linked with sterility, hormone disruption and birth defects. If that’s not enough, the World Health Organization just came out with a ruling that it’s likely carcinogenic to humans. Here’s the Scientific American article.
  3. Because the seeds cross-pollinate, Monsanto regularly patrols other farms (especially conventional ones trying to go organic) to find seeds that have errantly cross-pollinated and to fine them large sums of money because they are using the technology and haven’t paid for the patent. This usually puts them out of business or off track so they can’t complete the process.

Okay, so what about the “crazy hippie” factor? Like is this something cooked up by a bunch of doobie-smoking people in Vermont who just want more cows to be happy? And if it were that bad, why would the United States, a first world nation, allow it? Don’t we have the FDA?

Yes, we have the FDA. But the guy in charge of food safety right now is Michael Taylor. Michael Taylor was a former attorney and later the Vice President of Monsanto. Uh, conflict of interest, anyone? It’s no small wonder that the FDA never required safety testing for GMOs under the auspices that it wasn’t really all that different. EXCEPT IT WAS.

Oh, and the argument that we can’t feed the world if we don’t go GM? Bogus. It doesn’t increase yields. But it messes up the soil for decades because of the constant dousing of the crops with Roundup, cancer causer extraordinaire.

The biggies to stay away from? Corn, soy and canola.

Canola isn’t even a thing. It’s CAN for Canada, and OLA for oil. It’s really rapeseed oil, but as you can imagine, an oil with the word rape in it doesn’t really sell so well. You don’t need a marketing degree to figure that one out. Rapeseed oil goes rancid very quickly, and so in the processing they douse it with all sorts of deodorants and caustic agents. Which they don’t have to disclose because it’s proprietary. So you’ll never know what trace elements of bleach you have in our cooking oil, which you’re using to “gently saute” your super healthy vegetables and tofu. Which include corn and soy.

Corn syrup, and tons of soy fillers are used in processed foods, which are supposed to be healthy. Those “health bars”? Loaded with sugar (also made from genetically modified beets, by the way), corn syrup, and soy proteins. We were never meant to consume this amount of soy. It disrupts all sorts of hormonal pathways, even if you’re eating organic soy. My favorite B.S. soy product is soy protein isolate. You know what that is? MSG. The same crap bad Chinese restaurants use. Tread carefully.

 

Rules of the Sandbox

It’s time for a good laugh, and I have the perfect one to share. It involves my daughter, a sandbox, and a fight about a pair of pants.

When my daughter was in preschool she loved to wear dresses. Nothing but dresses. She is my SUPER girly-girl. I mean fierce. I mean like a miniature fabulously flaming gay man.

One morning before school I went into her room and she was wearing a super short dress. Short like it should have been re-purposed as a shirt, which was my intention, but it wasn’t hers. She was wearing this shirt-dress (literally a dress that had become a shirt by then) and her little pink underwear was sticking out of it. She had decided it would be all right to depart the house that way.

I tried the direct route. 

“You cannot wear that dress. It is too short. Put on some leggings.”

“No.”

Okay, let’s go with a practical consideration. 

“Sweetie, it’s colder now that it’s fall. You need leggings or your legs are going to be cold when you’re outside.”

“No. I am not going to be cold. ”

Hmmm. Let’s restate the obvious and see if it takes the second time around. 

“Honey, it is really too short. Please put on some leggings.”

At this point she looked at me, indicating that she was going to dig her heels in. With wide eyes and a louder voice, she declared, “NO. ” Then she turned away, crouched like Gollum, and went back to playing on her rug.

I sighed. How to diffuse the situation?

I took a deep breath, decided to draw on past experience as an example, and offered an explanation, crossing my fingers it would resonate.

“Honey, remember when we went to the park last summer and you played in the sandbox and you wouldn’t wear shorts? And then you got sand in your vagina and it really hurt until we could wash it out?”

She didn’t turn toward me but she did tilt her head to one side. Fierce Gay Gollum was listening.

“Well if you don’t wear leggings then you can’t play in the sandbox at school without getting sand in your vagina and I am really worried it is going to hurt again.”

She turned around, cheerfully responded, “Oh! Okay!”

She proceeded to her closet, pulled out leggings and pulled them on. Then she took my hand and we walked down to the kitchen to have breakfast together.

Inside I rejoiced. Yes! Good parenting moment! The truth and a calm manner rule the day!

Until we got downstairs. In the next seven minutes, she mentioned her vagina, something being in it, and her vagina hurting no less than three times.

My mind started to race. Crap, she’s got vagina on the brain and now she’s going to talk about this at school.

Our preschool principal is like a Jedi morphed with Mr. Rogers mixed with the best kindergarten teacher you ever had. When this woman asks to talk to you, you listen. You sit down quietly, criss cross applesauce, even if you’re in a chair.  And you do whatever she says. Because something inside wants to make her a necklace out of macaroni. She can Jedi mind trick you, I swear she can. And I love her. I have the utmost respect for this woman. And I didn’t want to lose hers.

All I could see was myself getting a phone call from Mrs. Jedi Rogers halfway through my morning. “Hello, I wanted to take a moment to call you because we are a little concerned. Your daughter has been talking about her vagina hurting all morning and something being in it. She also mentioned something about sand, but we’re unsure if this is related?”

And meanwhile the principal is thinking:

  • This woman lost it this morning and screamed at her daughter, “What the hell is your problem?!? Do you have sand in your vagina?!?”
  • It’s time to call DCF because her daughter has been exposed to a pedophile (or even more horrifying, she thinks that pedophile is me)
  • Both of those things have occurred and perhaps we should consider withdrawing our offer for them to come to our school next year

I needed to do pre-emptive damage control. So at dropoff, I pulled one of the teachers out of circle singing time (it has to be really serious to take a teacher out of morning circle singing, dammit) and whisper in her ear that all references to her  vagina were to be taken in the context of the morning’s events. I did this while trying to whisper over the sound of morning circle singing (What’s the Weather) and trying not to have any other child hear me say the word vagina.

On that day, I don’t even think my ob/gyn used the word vagina that many times before nine in the morning.  And that’s her job.  Thankfully, most days, it’s not mine.